An Open Letter to Spain
Dear Spain,
I was born in the Philippines and grew up in the United States – Los Angeles, California to be exact. Growing up as a Filipino in the United States, I’ve felt the need to learn the history of my adopted country and my mother country. It seems that for over 300 years, Spain pretty much had their way with the Philippines. Granted, you guys got the hell out of Pinas back in 1898 but there have been lasting negative effects on Filipinos due to Spanish influence.
Filipinos got used to eating foods that are deep fried and/or full of salt which has led to our people being the leaders in high blood pressure, high cholesterol and hypertension. It truly is a double edged sword to appreciate such things as crispy pata and chicharon.
For some weird reason, a lot of Filipinos think it’s more beautiful to look more mestizo or more Spanish. I went to a debut in the Philippines once and all the guys thought this one girl who had a lot of Spanish features was hot while I thought she kinda looked like a horse. Oh well, agree to disagree when in Rome.
The Philippines also got introduced to the fun concepts of over-zealous Catholicism, government corruption, cotillions, and having to deal with the fact that every Pinoy knows at least one person named Jennifer Reyes.
Sure, the United States and Japan did their fair share of damage to the Philippines but their impacts pale in comparison to 300 plus years of Spanish Rule.
In the eyes of the Spanish, all Filipinos have become is a minor footnote in their history and a name for a chocolate snack.
I’m not overly offended and I know that I cannot go into the past and fight off all the injustices put upon my people by Spaniards. What’s done is done and I must live in the now. I get that.
What I didn’t quite get was how it was acceptible for the Spanish basketball teams to bust “Chinese eyes” in a photo and nobody in Spain thought it would be viewed as offensive. Then again, we are talking about Spain – a country where black soccer players were greeted by fans doing ape sounds and throwing bananas on the field.
The infamous Spanish Basketball team photo
I must congratulate Spain in their recent athletic achievments. Spain did win the 2008 UEFA European Championships in soccer. Spanish tennis star Rafael Nadal won the French Open, Wimbledon and got an Olympic gold medal. And the Spanish national basketball team were the 2006 FIBA World Champions.
Good job Spain.
On that note, I just wanted to say as an American of Filipino heritage, please remember that in the 2008 Beijing Olympics, the USA Men’s Basketball team got the Gold Medal against your sorry ass conquistador nation!
Final Score – USA: 118 – Spain: 107
Sure, your Spaniards got within two points in the fourth quarter but the Spanish fans had to endure the one painful thing that Sacramento Kings fans have dealt with for years…
KOBE MOTHER FUCKIN’ BRYANT!
As I have had to be reminded every day of my life that Spain ruled my people with my middle name of Ramirez, I hope you never forget when Kobe converted the 4 point play which also fouled out your beloved Rudy Fernandez. Remember Lebron James as he slashed through the lane and rebounded his own missed layup for a put back score. Don’t ever forget the clutch three pointer Dwayne Wade rained on your national team just when you thought you had a chance of coming back.
And never forget how your star 17 year-old prodigy and Frodo Baggins look-alike Ricky Rubio had a severe melt-down which resulted in an unsportsmanlike foul getting compounded with a technical foul which meant four free throws and possession with less than 2 minutes of game time remaining.
Yes Spain, remember all of it. Most importantly, remember the medal ceremony as the stars and stripes were raised the highest and the Star Spangled Banner was the anthem that was played instead of that goofy parade march music your country has as an excuse for a national anthem.
The Spanish conquistadors had the three Gs: God, Glory and Gold. At the 2008 Olympics, even God couldn’t help the Spanish basketball team as Team USA got the Glory and the Gold. So keep your three Gs. I’d rather have CP3, King James, D-Wade and Black Mamba!
Americans, if you’re reading this, either do this aloud or in your heads but sing the Lee Greenwood song with me…
And I’m proud to be an American!
Cause at least I know I’m free.
And I’d like to thank Kobe and Lebron
Dwayne Wade and CP3
And I’ll gladly stand up…
Next to you and boo Gasol all day
Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land
God bless the USA!
U S A! U S A! U S A!
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24 Responses to “An Open Letter to Spain”
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CP3?
You are a crack up. God bless Pinoylife.
Hey Moonie:
You are HILARIOUS and a VERY GOOD writer, di ba? Thanks for the clever, witty, and oh so informed treatsie. . .
SALAMAT,
Pedro.
lest we forget… spain also introduced filipinos and other “new world” indios to the wonders of catholic molestation and old world smallpox, plague, and a buffet of venereal diseases (hell, “gonorrhea” is a latin word). so, in addition to death by eating (ergo, the aforementioned sodium and cholesterol), they introduced us to death by f****g. que viva los pendejos! we should show up to spanish sporting events with huge pics of blistered genitalia chanting, VIVA! VIVA! VIVA!
LOL! That is some funny shat Moonie! Great write up!
I’m offended. LOL
NUKE SPAIN!
Even though we (Pilipinas) have no nukes. And even though I’m ideologically against nukes. but NUKE SPAIN ANYWAY!!!!
I gotta say…those Filipinos are some damn good cookies.
Oh my God, that was MY debut you were talking about! Yes, I do remember everyone oggling at her. Lol…
Much props! “goofy parade march music” LOL. thanks for not only saying what’s on my mind, but totally taking it to another level. SuperWockee level!
What’s Pau thinking?
http://tinyurl.com/5u693p
Jealous?
You’re gonna get it in practice, Pau.
-Sun Yue
Spain also imported its homeland’s regional fractionalism to the RP and nowhere is that more evident than in the football rivalries between Catalunya’s FC Barcelona and Basque Athletic Bilbao vs. Real Madrid, with RM being the traditional club of the establishment.
Here’s why I root for Barca every time:
http://www.fcbarcelona.com/web/english/club/historia/jugadors_de_llegenda/alcantara.html
wow. I was with you in the beginning tol*, but when you went into America-mode you completely left me behind. You went from being critical of one colonial nation to complete fawning acceptance of another.
“USA. USA. USA.”
That chant inspires nothing but terror in me.
[*I would say that it is quite debatable about whether the US or Spain had a more damaging effect on the motherland, especially it's psyche. And given that the red, white, and blue has a much more negative current relationship with her I shudder everytime I see a kababayan wrap himself in that flag...]
Wow alex. That’s some serious political talk coming from a Pinoy that lives in Canada. Since you like pictures so much, I got a photo for ya…
USA! USA! USA!
Dude, you need to relax. I was just talking about a basketball game, not world politics.
wow. i was with you from the beginning, but then you posted that “america’s hat” t-shirt logo and almost left me behind.
i mean, why THAT logo? it’s not even clear what KIND of hat canada is. is that a trucker hat, or a baseball cap? does the front of that have its own slogan, like “get oot’a here, ehhh!”? or is it one of those early 90s custom-embroidery jobs featuring the name of some prototype “flip dance” crew like “trybal nation flipsydaz”?
what’s this all aboot?
Guy has been to Canada. Guy likes Canada. But unlike the Philippines today, isn’t Canada STILL a colony?
Sirs: Canadian bacon is thicker than your skimpy American version and thus much more favorable to the Pinoy porcine tastes. Take off na, ang Hoser ka!
I’m not your guy, friend!
I’m not your friend, buddy!
I’m not your buddy, guy!
I’m not yo…hey wtf?
maybe, just maybe, they were giving big ups to the Chinese in sign language.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLs2dU7Bre8
Spanish people + slanted eyes = Filipinos
Very good post! We are linking to this great article on our website.
Keep up the great writing.